I could sweat in a meatlocker, but that’s just poor genetics.– Oversharey tux salesman. Yum!
Bull Lee Greenwood
(Listening to a country station)
Me: (singing) And I'm prouuuuuud to be an Americaaaaan, where at least I know I'm freeeee!
Adam: Who sings this song?
Me: (reading radio station display) Uh... Bull Lee Greenwood.
Adam: It's just "Lee Greenwood".
Adam: "The Bull" is the name of the station.
Adam: Oh, listen! Bull Rascal Flatts is playing!
Drunken revelation: when an infant pukes on your expensive clothing, it creates “baby vom-a drama”. OMG I love puns.
Mom: That show with the obese people is so inspiring.
Mom: I'm A Big Fat Loser!
Me: You mean "Biggest Loser"?
Mom: Oh, is that it?
You know you threw a good birthday brunch when...
1.) You have to help your friend put her shoes on. 2.) You get a text from another friend informing you that she yodeled in front of The Dakota after vomiting on The Museum of Natural History 3.) You get an email from another friend asking if she and her husband did anything embarrassing, because they don’t remember anything after 3 pm 4.) You get a Facebook message from another...
The most depressing sentence ever written
“A Texas man has been arrested after a 9-year-old girl wrote to Santa Claus asking that a relative stop touching her and her sister.” (via Yahoo)
brianvan: I wish there were an Internet site where I could get meaningless up-to-date information about the weather from bored office workers. You mean, aside from Tumblr? (Sorry, I’m bitter that the closest window to my desk is like, 100 yards away)