Miltnr

nickdouglas:

tylercoates:

OK now I will shut up.

THE FACT THAT ANY ADULT NEEDS THIS SPELLED OUT IS REPUGNANT.

I was having a discussion about the American Dream with a British friend of mine the other day, and he was just baffled at the way that we go about quite a few things over here. A lot of what Michael _____ is saying is bound up in the idea that meritocracies (which, arguably, is the idea the American Dream is based upon) are ideal systems (see this article for a takedown of that).

The idea that you will be amply rewarded if you work hard enough pervades the American ethos in almost every way. Aside from things like education (getting in to schools) and jobs, it applies to more intensely personal things like body image, relationships, and personality. One thing that has become abundantly clear to me in the past year of living in the UK is that Americans have incredibly (often impossibly) high standards— both for ourselves, and others. For a long time, I internalized the idea that if I worked out enough, ate healthfully enough, worked on my issues enough, that I would be enough. Because as a slightly soft in the middle, occasionally overemotional human being, I was flawed. Therefore, if I didn’t have the things I wanted, it was because I didn’t deserve them.

It’s taken me a while, but I realize the folly of that now. Part of it has been living in the UK where, in my experience, people just are generally more accepting of each other, even if they’re slightly bigger, or have crooked teeth, or personality ‘flaws’. My British friend called it “European fatalism”— you just have what you have and are what you are.

Now, I’m not saying that fatalism is necessarily a good thing— I think it largely results from wrestling with a sense of powerlessness. If you can’t change things, it’s a lot easier to think that you’re predestined in one way or another. But the other option, which is placing complete and utter responsibility for how your life turns out on to you, isn’t the answer, either— because if for whatever reason you don’t get the great education, great job, great marriage, blah blah blah, it’s your fault. You weren’t _____ enough. Now, of course you should work hard and try not to be a jerk, but life’s not an even playing field, and to insist that everyone has the same chances to achieve The Good Life is a blatant fallacy.